My Untitled Attitude Problem

Such a bump, that shakes my head, a big trouble, a worry that lifts me up unknowingly. I might be unconscious but too uncaring to take such particular move to discard immediate behavior.
Am I too careful or too safe guarding to myself. Am I too judgemental, bossy that demands acting to be appropriate or I'm too careful to make mistakes that makes my actions to displaced blame to other person. Am I too realist and perfectionist that I want balance that I'm disturbing their will to choose. That I'm controlling their words and actions that makes me a villain, not a friend.Did I really want to hear them speak, Did I really want them to be independent. Did I grab their integrity, their opinions, their decisions in life. Did I expected too much in return? I believe all the answers is "Yes", and it threatens my personality because I know in fact that denial, pity , grief, insecurity and inferiority are qualities that kills me slowly. That I'm turning againts myself and to other's that makes me so weak, while, hiding to a edifice mode that I'm brave that I can handle all.
But, in reality. I'm too weak, full of fear and it worries me a lot. It worsens daily that I don't even recognized. I guess, it really knocks me. i don't know how to move. Now, I'm back to my old shell, powerless, so inferior and lost.
That I don't know where to run, how to walked again, to stand and stroll and to face people in my world. Cycles repeats it's phase until now I have not learned. I shouldn't have, but, It breaks again. But, how can I move. I guess, my heart will dictates the true inner me, as the holy spirit and Jesus Unconditional Love and goodness regains my ownself. Be Back in his arms and there will be peace in my heart, in my mind and my whole personality. As I gain confidence and hope in him, that he will mold me the way it should be. I need to trust him and put all my faith in his arms, so everything on his hands and all his plans will be made accordingly at the right time at the right place.
Date Written:February 28,2007

"Thank you for the gift of Friendship"

I remember those days, when I almost cried to death, that all my failures seems so inevitable that I lose any hope and will to live, when my heart is crushed with all the betrayal of a lost love, when my body seems so pale and weak to continue the hardship and responsibility of life and family, when all my hopes in a good and ideal career is winding in a zigzag road that cannot be straighten, when all my dreams are gone into the wind, "YOU ARE ALL THERE & YOU ARE ALL I HAVE" ,my true and sincere friends. What defines a genuine Friend? I believe a Friend is like a bulb who lightens up and gives strength to a flickering road. A friend who unites one's broken heart and inspired to continue loving and waiting for the right and perfect man to arrive. A Friend who never gives up to encourage and gives hope when things fall apart. A friend who listens with his heart , mind and soul ready to speak his/her own language. A friend who can rely on with no limitations and boundaries. A friend is timeless filed with love and compassion. That's all defines a kind of Friendship I have and I'm so blessed to have them. They knew who they are and I want them to know, how much I value them and how much they are important to me. Remember, I will always be your trusted and wonderful friend, wherever I may go, whatever road I'll take. I'll be forever honored and thankful that I met you all. As I reminisce the years, when we drink tequila after class and sung on videoke on our out of town gimmicks and as we went to Storyland, Nasugbo, Tagaytay or even Volets to unwind and nurture our true friendship, all those laughters and the trials of college Life , the pail of tears and sacrifices in life, work, family and love-ones, we've been through a lot and we been able to surpass it, as we hold each other's arms, with prayers that stand the most of our friendship. Thank you for the time you spent with me for all the up's and down of my life, thank you for the genuine love and true gift of friendship you share... your all my Angels on Earth .thank you........
Always bear this quotation, as my name recalls your memory: "TRUE FRIEND IS A SURE REFUGE-Aristotle" and "A TRUE FRIEND IS ONE WHO HEARS AND UNDERSTANDS WHEN YOU SHARE YOUR DEEPEST FEELING. HE SUPPORTS YOU WHEN YOU ARE STRUGGLING,HE CORRECTS YOU, GENTLY AND WITH LOVE, WHEN YOU ERR, AND HE FORGIVES YOU WHEN YOU FAIL. A TRUE FRIEND PRODS YOU TO PERSONAL GROWTH, STRETCHES YOU TO YOUR FULL POTENTIAL, AND MOST AMAZING OF ALL, HE CELEBRATES YOUR SUCCESSES AS IF THEY WERE HIS OWN.-Richard Exley" ----seraphim blue

My Worry Rides in a Tri-cycle

My life has a slow and fast cycles, like a rough path, there are pieces of stones that strucked me and prevent me to continue my journey. Those are my big worries, a bunck of anxieties ,financial bankruptcy, pail of depressions, past burdens, academic failures and heartaches that let my stomach ulcers boost up, even if my migraine shoot up and let my blood gos down and my insomia increasing disabling my health that let my temper in the morning, get mad and wild that begins my harsh words and high pitched loud of demands and commands to my family members.
Then,I learned to read books that improve and shift my senses to negative and positive to read true to life experiences that was printed to guide as a proof that prayers works to get rid of worries. But, one remedy that keeps me holding my faith intact, when my anxiety attacks, when I felt that my world is crumbling down, when I feel I'm alone. That I'm not happy. I just sit inside the the "Baclaran Church", Silence is within me, Peace and Love of the Lord is what I feel. Like hope , it flows in me. As I stare, feel my heartbeat. My worry and problem disseminates in the air. As I ride, the Tri-cycle of my life, as it goes, day by day, it gives me hope that time will do it's part, as our savior strengthens me and banishes all my fear in the future. I may sinked down, delayed all my flights, turned to other routes. But, I managed to look at the big window on the airport, as I see the blue skies where planes passed by. I just sighed, thank you God for a new,wonderful day and all the blessings that comes my way....
Date written: February 26,2007